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What Are Healthy Boundaries?

I wrote in my last blog about keeping our hearts open, even to the pain,  but I want to clarify something: that doesn’t mean that we have to keep painful, abusive, or codependent relationships close to us. Not at all. In fact, you can love someone, and keep them at a distance because you have a strong boundary of not having anyone actively engaging in addiction in your inner circle. Or not being available for emotional spewing and outbursts. Or not being willing to accept their negative projections onto you, and so on. Being in relationships doesn’t automatically equate to tolerating behavior that is harmful to yourself, just because you love them. It is valid and healthy to say, “I love you, but I’m not going to hold your junk for you!“


Emotional, energetic, and where necessary, physical boundaries can be very healthy, as well as conducive to the level of self-care an individual requires to be their best self and do their work in the world. 



turquoise wooden sign with yellow letters saying "no."


So what do such boundaries look like?

Emotional Boundaries:

  • If the other person is a chaos-creator, or drama-generator that tends to spew emotions on you without regard to your well-being, you can tell them that you are not available to hear their rants anymore. Or you can say, “I’m only available for this for 30 minutes, and that’s all I have capacity for.“

  • For anyone verbally harassing or abusing you, say, “Please stop talking to me that way. This is not kind and I do not appreciate it. If you do not stop, I will hang up/leave the room/block your number, etc.”


Energetic Boundaries:

  • This can be as simple as imagining a healing cocoon of light around your body that protects you when you are out and about in the world, or even around a particular person.

  • If someone is directing ill will towards you, you can imagine that cocoon being a mirror that reflects outward, so that whatever negative energy they are directing towards you gets reflected back to themselves.


Physical Boundaries:

  • Not letting this person touch you, not even for a hug or a handshake, if you do not wish to be touched by them, for any reason at all, which you are not required to disclose. No means no. Period. 

  • Not visiting this person’s home or letting this person visit you in your home. If you must meet, you meet on neutral grounds.

  • Tell them your boundary: “If you are actively engaging in your addiction, you cannot be around me, and I cannot be around you. If you start to do that around me, I will leave or ask you to leave.”

  • An actual restraining order, if that is lawfully permitted, and would help you feel safer in regards to a person.


As you can see, boundaries do not have to be cruel or mean-spirited or even punitive. Even if the other person takes it that way, this is you taking care of your own physical, emotional, mental and energetic well-being, which is your birthright.


Need support with your boundaries?

Try Therapy: for working through feelings of unworthiness in regard to your boundaries, and looking at how poor boundaries may have been modeled for you in your childhood. Plus learning how to create healthy interpersonal boundaries from here on out. 


Try Coaching: to break subconscious mind patterns so you can be your best self. And also for learning how to create healthy interpersonal boundaries from here on out. Less processing of the past and more action towards a better future. 


Try EFT Tapping: to reprogram your mind for self-love and self-acceptance, so that healthy boundaries come naturally to you. This technique simultaneously processes the patterns and emotions from the past, while clearing the blocks to a healthier future.


Try Cord Cutting: to clear the negative cord of energy between you and them, so healing can take place, whatever that may look like for your particular relationship/situation. (This is not a banishing or wishing of ill will of anyone from your life, in case you were worried about that. It simply removes the negative bond.)


Try an Energetic Cleanse: to clear your energy field of anything that does not belong to you so that you have your full capacity to make decisions with clarity and do what is yours to do in life. 

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