What are You Reaching For and Settling For?
Even been accused of settling in life, such as in a job, a relationship, a status level, or other area? What I mean by settling is accepting something other than what you really desire, because, well, you already have what you're settling for, and perhaps it’s “good enough.” And that thing you really want seems really far away, hard to obtain—maybe even impossible, and well, surviving is all you really know. The concept of thriving seems so foreign and only reserved for the special 1% out there who seem to be born into thriving situations. Sound familiar?
But is that really true?
I’d really encourage you to take such thoughts to Byron Katie’s inquiry process—especially if you secretly yearn for more in life, whatever ‘more’ looks like for you.
Settlers usually strive to stay in their comfort zone, and although the word “comfort” is in the term comfort zone, more often than not, we don’t fully enjoy our comfort zones. A better term would be “what I know and have experience with” zone. Because we stay with the things we know and can predict. The “devil you know” is more comfortable than the devil you don’t know—there’s too many uncertainties with the unknown, and so settlers choose to stay with what they do know.
What makes someone a settler vs a thriver?
Settlers have lots and lots and I mean lots of fears! Some examples of fears that rule the lives of settlers are:
-what if this is as good as it gets? I can’t let go of what I have then!
-what if I’m not good enough or worthy of what I really want?
-what if I just don’t have what it takes to make my dreams a reality?
-what if I go after what I really want, and it gets taken away from me?
-what if people judge me for wanting what I want?
Settlers also have tons of limiting beliefs, such as:
-staying small is safer than going after what I want
-wanting to thrive is frivolous & greedy-I should just be happy with what I’ve got
-life happens to me; I’m not in control
-I’m a loser! -I’m too old, too young, too tall, too short, etc
-I’ll have to work really hard to get it (harder than I want to work)
-I don’t deserve that thing I really truly want
-the unknown is way too scary for me to face
The problem with settling:
-you’re inherently unhappy with life
-you tend to have regrets
-you tend to find life unfulfilling
-you refuse to get out of your comfort zone for anything and therefore stop growing
-your life is ruled by fears and self-limiting thoughts, and perhaps even other people’s opinions who have no business telling you how to live your life
-you feel powerless, helpless, hopeless
-you never really find out what you’re made of, because you haven’t faced down your fears
-you spend your time wishing for something other than what you have, instead of being able to enjoy it
-you tend to argue for your limitations-I can’t do that, it’s impossible
-there’s usually a lot of “shoulding” on yourself happening (I should stay in the job, town, relationship, even though I don’t feel happy here….”
-your true desires get placed on the back burner
Any of these are red flags that you’re settling.
Now let’s look at what makes someone a “thriver”
Thrivers believe:
-the only person who has control over my experience of life is me
-I am a co-creator with life
-life is for living and I want to live mine to the fullest!
-there’s a goldmine on the other side of my fears if I can face them
-my desires and goals are just as important as other people’s
-my happiness matters
-I have what it takes!
-uncertainty means anything is possible-even the good stuff
-I’m capable of sitting in the unknown while I pursue my dreams
-if I can dream it, I can figure out how to make it happen
-I am worthy of my dreams and goals
-I’m allowed to have what I want in life
-I’m allowed to thrive and live my best life
-my power belongs to me
-perhaps even, my desires are sent by the Divine, and that makes them meant for me
Thrivers experience:
-achievement of goals, even scary ones!
-fulfilment in many, if not all areas of life
-deep nourishment of their body, mind, and soul
-approval of themselves and their desires
-freedom from unwanted habits and patterns
-confidence in being able to notice and address unreasonable fears and limiting beliefs
-clarity of purpose in life and what direction to take next
- clear energy field, which helps them access their intuition and their truths
Think about it this way for a moment: as your fear has you clinging to the thing you've been settling for, and your inner critic is filling your ears with all the reasons why it's not possible for you to have what you actually want....
what is it costing you to NOT thrive?
-Your joy, your fulfilment
-Watching another year go by filled with dullness, unfulfilled longing for something better, chasing your tail, getting nowhere but defeated and dejected
Where do you notice your particular flavor of stuckness? What limiting beliefs and fears did you recognize in yourself from the list above?
Now the question is….Do you truly want to thrive?
Do you want to experience actually seeing yourself progress in life? Knowing in your bones what you are meant to do with your life, and going after it with all that you've got?
Maybe you have more appreciation for where you’re currently at after reading this, which is awesome! Maybe you’re inspired to dust off some old hopes and dreams after reading this, which is equally awesome.
So how to shift from settling to thriving?
You have to have clarity on where you want to get to in life. What are your deepest desires for your life? What do you really value? What have you yet to experience in life that would be meaningful to you?
You have to be willing to be a little uncomfortable with the process and uncertain of how it’s going to happen for a bit of time.
You have to take a sober and honest look at how you’ve been selling yourself short and taking yourself out of the running with fears, negative self-talk, and limiting beliefs.
Then you have to break up with those negative habits and patterns
You have to develop trust in yourself and your inner wisdom to guide you along each step of the way.
You have to stay dedicated to your dreams and goals and desires so that you know you are taking steps towards them on a daily basis.
You have to clear the clutter of influence of others on the regular so that you stay in integrity with yourself and with your goals.
You have to learn and practice new habits and develop new patterns that will take you to where you want to go in life.
You probably have to admit to yourself that you can’t do this all alone. And you're not meant to.
That’s where I come in.
Society says, “play small,” and I say, “play big!”
I have developed a one-on-one program designed to help motivated people who are ready for more in life to get exactly what they want! This is a very hands-on, tailored-to-you program that will tackle your blocks on a holistic level to insure that you re-pattern, revive, and reset to thriving!
