What Does It Mean to Say Yes to Yourself?

Have you ever noticed yourself having a desire, for an experience, an outcome, or even a purchase, and some tiny, or loud, voice inside firmly says, "you can't have that!" ??

Oof. There are parts inside of many of us that are programmed to instantly reject any rogue thoughts we may have of being fulfilled -- usually because of some version of insisting that we are unworthy, not good enough, or haven't worked hard enough to earn it. Ouch!

Today I'm offering an opportunity to challenge that part of you that refuses to, or is scared to say yes to yourself.

So What Does It Really Mean to Say Yes to Yourself?

First, the challenging aspects:

For starters, there's the obvious: you likely have to say no to something or someone else in order to say yes to yourself. That may look like taking a stand for yourself. And if you have any kind of people-pleasing tendencies, this will feel scary AF!

Why? Well, the other person may get angry, or disappointed, and if you're in the habit of managing other people's emotions, consciously or unconsciously, then that will feel uncomfortable, maybe even unbearable.

If it's a something that you have to say no to in order to day yes to yourself, then you get to be with FOMO (the fear of missing out).

How do I deal with that?!

First take a moment to soothe your nervous system, aka, let your inner child know it's safe to have this desire. You can try the Havening Exercise or simply making your exhales longer than your inhales while crossing your arms over your chest and alternate tapping each side of your arms and envision giving your younger self a big, comforting hug.

Next, ask yourself, "does me fulfilling this desire cause harm to myself or to the other person, or do they just not like it?" If the answer is no harm done, remind yourself it's safe to have this desire, and it's safe to fulfil this desire, and let yourself procede. It could be that the alarm bells going off in your head are from childhood conditioning that no longer applies as an adult. Think: You can't go play until you finish your homework! OR, no dessert until you finish dinner!

This leads into what else it means when you say yes to yourself: you’re probably gonna meet your Inner Critic / naysayer. (in case you didn't know them already!) Our Inner Critic loves to tell us no, especially when it involves novel ideas or experiences that you haven't had yet that are out of your comfort zone.

Dangerous! But likely only truly dangerous in the eyes of the Inner Critic, which ironically is usually trying to protect you and your ego at all costs. That includes your happiness. They don't care if you are happy or not, they only care if you are "safe."

How do I deal with that?!

First do the self-soothing exercises from above, or truly anything that helps your nervous system shift from fight/flight/freeze/faun mode into rest and digest mode.

Next, tell your Inner Critic that you're ready to try a different strategy, and you'll take the wheel from here. You may want to try some EFT Tapping to help with this.

Moving on, saying yes to yourself may also mean encountering parts of you that want you to self-sacrifice at all costs. These parts think it’s more noble to abandon yourself for the well-being of others rather than to include yourself in your own care and compassion. They've decided that you're only allowed to give, never to receive,

These parts usually downplay the importance of our need for pleasure and leisure and rest, and over-value being of service to others.

By the way, being of service to others is indeed a wonderful thing; however, if you have to abandon yourself to do it, that willingness to serve others becomes toxic to yourself. And if you never give to yourself, or allow yourself to receive from others, then you will end up sick, burnt-out or worse.

How do I deal with that?!

Find ways to take care of yourself, big or small, and put it in your schedule so you are not forgotten. Remind yourself that you matter too!

It may be slightly uncomfortable or painful for a moment, like having to put an expense on a credit card temporarily. Or having to disappoint someone who is used to you being at their disposal 24/7.

Here’s the thing, though...

The world doesn’t need more stressed out, overwhelmed, running on empty people. the world right now needs people who are rested, people who are happy, people who are giving themselves permission to have moments of joy. 

And all of this is paramount if you identify as a Highly Sensitive Person, Introvert or Empath. Not that others don't need it too; we all do! But those of us who are wired to be extra tuned-in, extra sensitive to our surroundings, and extra deep in our processing of life....well, let's just say that there's a high correlation between sensitivity and self-abandonment. I'd love to see that drop as Sensitives begin to say yes to themselves.

There’s enough anger and chaos and negative energy moving around the world right now. We don’t have to add to it with our self-abandonment, undue stress and suffering. Remember: peace begins with me. And now, the beneficial aspects of saying yes to yourself:

A beautiful alchemical experience happens inside of us when we say yes to ourselves. Sometimes subtle, and sometimes profound, and always exquisite!

It means meeting your fears and worries that others may not accept your choices, and still lovingly choosing yourself.

It means re-aligning your priorities, to do list, and daily schedule according to what serves you best. And for those of you for cringing right now, when we take good care of ourselves and say yes to what we desire, it gives us so much more energy and willingness to be there for others. So it really is a win-win situation.

Real life example! I had to take my own advice after writing this blog! I really wanted to go for a swim at the gym, but my inner critic was saying, no way lady--you have way too many chores and admin tasks to do. Those need to happen first! If I listen to that voice, I will never get to the pool. Why does that matter? Swimming benefits me physically with exercise, and mentally and emotionally because lap swimming is very meditative and helps me process my thoughts and feelings while I swim.

The chores and admin tasks will be never ending, to be quite honest. So if I always put off saying yes to my desire to swim and get some stress relief and physical activity, that’s not a sustainable situation for me. All this to say, I totally get how strong that inner critic voice is!

When you choose your own wellbeing by saying yes to yourself, your inner child hears, "I matter!" and realizes, "I'm being heard! And I can get my needs met!" This means building self-worth and self-trust with every yes you say to yourself.

Saying yes to yourself means being able to receive what life is already trying to give you, rather than pushing it away for "noble" reasons.

Saying yes to yourself means leaning into joy, rather than leaning into fear, worry, or self-deprecation. What do I get out of denying myself pleasure? Nothing really!

When you allow yourself to meet your own deepest desires, your soul exhales and exclaims, "Finally, we are on our intended path. Now we can do our work in the world!" Because I believe those desires that arise come from that place deep within us that remembers our soul purpose.

Saying yes to yourself means letting your soul lead, and taking your power back from anyone or anything external that has made you believe that their agenda is more important than your own.

Your life has your name on it, and we are each meant to live a fulfilling life. And YOU get to decide what's meaningful and not meaningful to you to experience in your life. Nobody gets to decide that for you, unless you allow them to.

So say yes to what makes you feel alive. Say yes to being led by joy. Book yourself the massage that your muscles are crying out for. Book yourself the 2-hour lunch break to truly feed and nurture yourself, or block out unstructured downtime in your calendar that your nervous system desperately yearns for. Sit outside on your lunchbreak if you're yearning for time away from the fluorescent lights and office drama.

Say yes to feeling/expressing your emotions, and let yourself cry or grieve, or let yourself rage. Let yourself celebrate what matters to you. Let yourself attend the healing session that you've been putting off that know you need right now. Let yourself speak the truth that will end self-abandonment.

Let yourself say yes to the whispers from your soul about what is most fulfilling to you in your life.

Let yourself do something, anything that brings you joy. 

And FYI, it doesn’t have to be something that costs money. 

In Case Your Inner Critic is Showing Up Again...🤓

Yes, it is a privilege to pursue joy; a privilege we should be exercising, not forgoing. If you have an inner voice running right now that says that this is not a privilege you’re allowed to have, question it. Why not? The people who don’t have the privilege of choosing joyful experiences or being able to say yes to themselves, they desperately want to know that it’s still possible for somebody out there in the world. Do it for them if you can’t yet do it yet for yourself! We must choose joy to keep joy alive on this planet. Because if nobody is able to do this, we’re all screwed, to be blunt about it. We can go down fighting by reclaiming joy. We can also rise up by reclaiming joy.

Say yes to your personal experience of joy, and see what opens up in your life. I guarantee you that if you put joy aside until XYZ is done, you will be causing yourself more harm than noble good.

I challenge you to make a list of 10 desires you have right now, especially if you don’t know how to make them come true. This is an exercise in letting yourself know what you actually want. What your body, mind, and soul deeply craves right now. Then you can get creative in how you go about pursuing those desires. Sometimes that's half the fun!

And if you’re someone who’s been eyeballing our Women’s Elemental Embodiment Mt Shasta retreat coming up, but struggling to say yes to allowing yourself to enjoy it and attend it, I encourage you to challenge that inner voice that says you’re not allowed to do this, you’re not allowed to take time for yourself or spend money on yourself.

It’s going to be an incredibly HEALING and joyful adventure for a small group of 9 women, plus us 2 facilitators, plus our incredible personal chef.

We have 4 spots left as of July 2nd. Maybe one of them has your name on it 😉 

Say Yes To Yourself!